


Love-force

by Morenita326



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Anger, Boundaries, F/M, Internal Conflict, Love, Love Confessions, Relationship Negotiation, Relationship(s), Sex, Sneaking Around, Temptation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 06:56:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11374947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morenita326/pseuds/Morenita326
Summary: Kathryn has recovered her lost memories and is back on the bridge of Voyager after the events of "Workforce"She is, however, anything but happy about it and she blames her first officer for it.





	1. accept it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lodessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodessa/gifts).



She was back. It seemed so unreal and yet… this was her bridge, her crew.

-Captain on the bridge! -said Kim as soon as he realized it was coming out of the turbolift.

She looked around and walked her way to the captain’s chair. All eyes were fix on her and she felt that heavy load on her shoulders again, the responsibility of not only taking them back home but of being an example. As she moved around she came face to face with her first officer, the one responsible for her being back, the handsome and impossible maqui, looking right into her eyes as she moved towards him. She threw her eyes into his and anchored them lowering her forehead unable to look away, angry and afraid all together.

She felt his eyes fix on her as they both sat down.

\- Ready to go? -he dares to say. So lightly, as if he had not stolen from her the only chance of having a “normal” life.

She couldn’t look back at him, she could not let him see how angry she was. And yet… she wanted him to know, needed him to know, the extent of the consequences of what he had done.

\- It may not have had been real, Chakotay, but it felt like home. -her eyes staring at the screen where a planet, that had felt so right, floated in space.- if you hadn’t come after me, I would have never known I had another life.

Commander Chakotay pulled all the strength he was capable of to ask

\- Are you sorry I showed up? -he knew what her answer was going to be, what her answer had to be, at least there on the bridge, in front of everyone. But he had to ask nonetheless, he needed to hear in her tone if she truly regretted it or not.

She turned her head to him trying to smile and failing.

\- Not for a second – her eyes shot him deep and her words stabbed him.

He felt obliged to smile. He barely could.

After reassuming course, she watched the planet where she had been happy for the first time in years vanish in the distance and then stood up and walked to her ready room.

\- You have the bridge, Commander. -she said as the door closed at her back.

She sat on her couch under the stars, staring at them and wondering what could have been if Chakotay had never showed up, if he had let her have her happy, though mistaken, ending. “Mistaken” being the key word, she thought. But “happy”, an unknown voice added way inside of her. Well, not such an unknown voice, it was the same voice that had been telling her how handsome her first officer was, the same that kept asking what was more insane if having a holographic lover or a subordinate. She had told herself she had to give an example and the voice was always willing to challenge her, an example for what? Was she expecting everyone to stay single and caliber for as long as the journey lasted? Certainly not, but a captain…. What about the captain? She was starting to get angry at herself, she placed her thumb and index on her eyes and pressed lightly.  
The door chimed.

She took a deep breath and said without opening her eyes.

-Come in. -she knew it was going to be him, she knew that she had been unable to hide her anger specially from someone like Chakotay, so attentive to details, to her. 

He faced him with a frown as he entered the room and narrowed her eyes as if she was expecting some complicated issue.  
He seemed to have trouble to find the right words, she could easily see he wanted to say something he could not find the words for.

\- Captain… is everything OK? – he said holding his hands behind his back.

She stared at him in anger, how dared he? How dared he ask if it was OK to steal the only chance of happiness from her? 

\- Of course -she said almost so ironically that she immediately regretted it- everything is all right. -she added calmly looking back at the stars. 

After all, it had been her who had set those blessed “parameters” years ago, and he had only complied. That was the problem, he always followed her orders, he was always so submissive… where was that rebellious maquis spirit of his? And now, now that she really needed him go, he didn’t move.- Anything else, commander? -she said looking back at him with a sour look she could not help.

\- Actually, yes. Permission to speak freely -he said almost uncertain, looking so charming.

She exhaled heavily, anticipating a demand for explanations that she was, of course, unwilling to give. She looked at him frowning again, wanting him to realize all she wanted was for him to really rescue her, to take her into his arms and make her brake the rules.

\- Go ahead, commander.

\- I know this must be very difficult for you and I wouldn’t blame you if you blame me -he spoke with a calm tone, looking steady in her eyes- I know how lonely the Captain’s chair must be.

Oh, did he? Did he truly know how difficult it had been working by his side, pretending a cold head when all she wanted was for him to make that first step she could not? Did he really know how frustrating it was that he had come to the rescue only to leave her all alone again? She had stood up and was making her way across the room, looking into his eyes, knowing that if she stayed in his presence she would say more than she should.

\- Oh, do you…? -she muttered with resentment 

A pinch of guilt crossed his face.

\- Kathryn… -he said as he turned to follow her with his eyes.

She stopped. Her name in his lips was something that had always made her blush. Even now, as angry as she was, she blushed. She turned to face him.

\- Do you really know, Chakotay? – she asked emphasizing the word “really” and approaching him lowering her forehead. She stood so close to him he could feel her heavy breathing. – do you really know what it is like to be saved only to be condemned again?

\- Condemned? -he asked in a confused tone even though he knew exactly what she was talking about.

\- Oh… -she said in a low voice that took his breath- don’t… -and turned away towards the door but he moved quickly and stopped her by placing his arm around her waist and holding her as he moved his body against hers, placing his chest on her back. 

\- Oh, yes. I do -he whispered in her ear.

Her body shuddered under the low tone of his voice so close to her, his body pressing against hers, his warmth and strength surrounding her. She stood still.

\- If I remember correctly, it was you who set the boundaries that left you alone. -he had leaned over to say that into her ear and remained in that position even when she turned to face him. She tried to pull away but he did not release her, instead he pulled her closer to him, his faces almost touching, his eyes fix on her mouth.

She had put her hands on his arms to push him away but he had rendered that resistance ridiculous with one move. Now her body was weak and so was her will, and she knew he could feel it too just like she could feel his strong arms holding her while her breasts were pressed against his wide chest. She could hardly think of anything else but his mouth and the strong beat of his heart. Her hands moved slowly up his shoulders and climbed his neck to the base of his skull, her eyes fix on his mouth and her arms around his neck, her lips millimeters away from his. She looked up to meet his eyes and slowly placed her lips on his lips, softly. He raised his right hand to hold her face and sank into that kiss, almost eating her mouth, pressing her hips against him with his left hand. She responded dipping her tongue in his mouth and lowering her arms to his chest.

\- Bridge to the captain – Tuvok’s voice interrupted.

Kathryn pulled herself away but he didn’t let her go, he just allowed enough air between them so she could reply to the call.

\- Yes, mister Tuvok, what is it? – she said looking to the side to be able to concentrate in the vulcan’s voice but Chakotay’s body was way too distracting. 

\- May be you should come and see it for yourself, captain -the vulcan added almost as a reminder that she should have said that.

\- Of course -she closed her eyes but made no attempt to draw away from Chakotay.

\- We should go -she added looking into his eyes now.

\- Yes, we should -he replied with a half smile that made her knees weak- but we are not finished -he said letting go of her and watching her walk before him into the bridge.


	2. Surrendering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chakotay has been compliant to Kathryn's orders all along only to find out that that was not what she truly wanted.

Kathryn couldn’t help but to pace. Finally, she stopped and looked out of her window even when she was paying no attention to the stars at the other side. Instead, she couldn’t stop thinking that Tuvok had realized, that he could have never missed her blushed face and confusion when she had walked into the bridge.

The door chimed and it took her out of her thoughts. 

\- Come in -she said turning around and facing the door.

Commander Chakotay walked into the darkness of her quarters, the light at his back showing the full figure of the man, the man she had remembered… But it was not the case to lose her head again, no, she was angry at him. Or was she angry at herself? 

The door closed at his back and she lost him in the darkness, now it was him who could see her silhouette against the stars. She looked beautiful, she always did no matter where she was or how much light there was. He took a few steps towards her without saying a word. She could feel him approaching and knew that she had to say something, stop him, take things back to normal again. But what could she possibly say? And as her thoughts turmoiled in her head, he kept walking and stopped a few steps away from her.

\- So… -he said only to break the silence and push her to burst in anger again.

She could now see the bright of the stars glimmer on him, showing her his strong body as if it was part of a dream. But it wasn’t, he was actually there and she had kissed him this morning. Now she had to bring things to normal and he was so breathtaking in the dim light of the stars. She raised an eyebrow, arms hanging at her sides.

\- You ‘are’ sorry I showed up -he shot a little angry himself- if you preferred to stay with Jeffen instead of coming back to Voyager, we could have left you on the planet, you know? I just could not leave you there ignoring what you were leaving behind. Now, if you choose to stay… -but he could not finish that sentence.

\- If I choose to stay? Have I chosen to stay, commander? -she said in the coldest voice she was capable of, fully facing him. Not that it was easy to keep her cold tone in the presence of him 

\- Then why are you so angry? -he finally let his frustration out.

\- Why I’m… ? -she looked at him in surprise. Wasn’t it obvious why she was so angry? Could he not see that he showed up too late?- It’s late.

She tried to move pass him looking straight ahead but he stopped her once more. He stretched his arm and placed his hand on her waist and leaned towards her.

\- Late for what? It’s not Jeffen you are talking about, he is a few hours away, we can always go back. What is it late for, Kathryn? -he asked once more, and when she turned her head to face his eyes he moved so that his arm surrounded her waist and pulled her closer.

\- Commander… -she started to say in her usual “captain tone” but couldn’t finish

\- Kathryn -he replied taking things to another field.

She took a deep breath and he could feel her body tensing to his proximity but this time he was not going to let go, instead, he took her hand and she moved her eyes to meet his. Even when he could feel her nervous, she was not evading him.

\- Is this what you wanted? This? -he asked in a low tone that was a little too much for her, she shuddered and he pulled her completely against him, her body in full contact with his, and he kissed her. He put his lips on hers, softly at first and more intensely as he felt she gave in.

His tongue met hers and they devoured each other’s mouth so frantic she felt her knees giving in. She parted to take air.

\- We shouldn’t… -she had to resist, she was the captain and giving in to her emotions was not an option even when she wanted to so badly. He needed him to overcome her resistance, she needed him not to comply to her forced limits.

He didn’t answer, he knew it was only her obligation, he knew now that she didn’t want him to stop because even when she was saying that, she was not moving away from him. He released her hand and moved his to her butt pressing her hips to him so that she could feel his arousal. And she did. Her pulse accelerated as he kissed her neck leaning so much she had to hold on to him not to fall. 

\- Cha… ko… tay… - she said his name drowning in her own breath and he smiled, kissing her as he took her jacket out.

She helped him, hanging from his arms, kissing him passionately. He moved to her pants. He pulled them down taking her underwear as well, kneeling before her as she put her hands on his shoulders. He caressed her pubic area with his nose and plunged his tongue in her causing a wave of pleasure that took over her entire body. He stood up and took her shirt off, unclasping her bra and helping it slide off. Now she was completely naked in front of him. He took a step back and looked at her beautiful body. Her eyes smiled at him. He took his uniform off and looked back at her, standing there, breathing so heavily her breasts claimed his full attention. He took one step to her and put his arms around her, she held him and they kissed reassuming the frantic rhythm of a moment ago.

Her legs climbed his waist and pressed herself against his full erection, eating his mouth and rubbing her breasts on his chest. He took her to the bed and laid her on her back as he pulled her legs apart and applied his tongue to her opening while his hands cupped her breasts firmly and his fingers played with her nipples. She released a moan arching her body completely surrendering to the pleasure he was giving her.

\- Oh, Chakotay… -she exhaled clenching her fingers on the sheets.

\- Yes, Kathryn? -he replied with a half-smile and slowly pulling up to kiss her as he entangled his fingers with hers.

She looked into his eyes, feeling his chest with her nipples and his cock slowly opening her until he was fully inside of her. He pushed in and out, slowly first, allowing her to feel the full size of his big cock. And she was feeling it, she felt it completely. She removed her hands from his and placed them on his butt, pressing him to her, sticking his erection deep inside as she moved her hips in slow circles making him moan. She turned her legs and made him fall on his back, now she was on top of him, held in place by his big cock inside. She put her hands on his chest and swayed her hips. He pulled up and sat on the bed, knees up as well so that she wouldn’t fall and applied his mouth to her breasts, licking his nipples and sucking them, playing with his teeth on them, while he pushed himself hard into her. She moaned over and over until he felt he could not last much more and put his hands on her waist, pressing her hips down on him, thrusting and sucking her while keeping her in place until her body arched and she came with a strangled groan that released him as well inside of her.

Her head fell as she recovered her breath. One of his hands reached her cheek and she met his smiling eyes.

\- Is this… -he was trying to find the right word- rebellious enough for you?

\- Rebellious? -she asked as she leaned towards his face without moving her hips from him. -Is that what you were trying to do? Rebel, commander?

\- Well -he replied, grabbing her waist and moving her around so that now she was on her back again and he was on top of her- isn’t that what you wanted? That I broke the rules you could not?

She stared at him puzzled by how well he had read her.

\- Should I fear a mutiny? -she asked playfully.

\- Oh, you will keep giving the orders on the bridge, if that’s what you are asking…

\- Oh…? On the bridge? Are you implying I will lose control over “other” parts of the ship? -she asked back raising her eyebrows and smiling, obviously having fun.

\- Well, I don’t know about the ship… but let’s just say that some things in it -and he stressed those words as he pressed her hips- are now under my command.

\- Oh, is that so? – she replied circling her arms around his neck and kissing him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and critics are more than welcomed!


	3. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuvok forces Kathryn to acknowledge her true feelings and confess.

Was this really happening? Only a few days ago she was in Jeffen’s arms, feeling there had never been a happier moment in her life. Now, her memories recovered, she was in Chakotay’s arms, the arms she had longed for way before Jeffen even existed. She turned her face to look at him as he held her in bed. She caressed the side of his face with her fingers and a light smile, enough to show his delightful dimples, appeared on his face. He was awake.

The door chimed. Kathryn rose in bed, alarmed.

\- Who is it? -she rushed out of bed.

\- Lieutenant Tuvok, Captain -the vulcan’s voice calm at the other side of the door.

She looked at Chakotay, who had started to get up as well, covered her naked body in a robe and brushed her hair out of her face with her fingers as best as she could.

\- Come in, Lieutenant. -she said fastening the silk belt around her waist.

The Vulcan walked in and looked around cautiously.

\- Captain -the Vulcan said with a nod for a greeting- Is everything all right? -he asked without much preoccupation.

\- Why wouldn’t it be? -she asked playing fool but knowing that her dear friend wouldn’t fall for it.

\- It’s past 900 hours. It is unlike you to be still in bed. -he said folding his hands behind his back.

\- Well, sometimes I am merely human, Tuvok. -she said in a patronizing tone as she let her arms hang on her sides and walked to the couch, strategically away from the bedroom’s door.

The Vulcan took a couple of steps towards her as he briefed her on the status of the ship after the night shift.

\- Thank you, Tuvok -she said after he was finished, standing up, almost relieved that her friend had not noticed of Chakotay’s presence in the other room.

The Vulcan nodded and turned to leave.

\- I am sorry for the intrusion, captain. I was heading to my quarters for a meditation session and since you hadn’t come to the bridge yet, I thought… -he couldn’t finish the sentence.

\- It’s OK, Tuvok, you don’t need to apologize. It’s me the one who is sorry, I should have been there. I guess I was just too tired. -she said with a sigh and not lying at all, sweeping the image of Chakotay’s naked body in her bed.

\- I see -Tuvok said and she knew there was more to that and wondered just how much he had realized but then, the Vulcan paused before the door opened- I trust you’ll brief Commander Chakotay -he said looking over his shoulder- or should I come by his quarters, captain? -he added facing her.

\- No need for that -she answered looking away from Tuvok’s eyes and walking towards the door that opened- thank you, Lieutenant. -the Vulcan left the room and the door closed at his back.

Kathryn stretched her arm and put her hand on the door frame as she lowered her head closing her eyes.

\- So bad, hm? 

Chakotay was standing in his underwear right across the room, in her bedroom dooway but before she could find what to say, he had covered the distance and put his arms around her. His strong, warm body pressed to hers made her feel safe from all harm. But Tuvok represented no harm to her, he was her best friend. A pinch of guilt ran through her face as it cut her in two.

\- What is it? -Chakotay asked as he released her from his arms.

\- Well, I have a ship to run, remember? -she answered playfully and almost laughing- besides, Tuvok is right. It’s unlike me to stay in bed all day. People will start talking and -she added that popping her head through the bedroom doorway where she had headed- you won’t be around to ease the rumors… -she ended the sentence with a naughty smile.

\- Well, I suppose in that case I better hurry, so I can deny all rumors -he said approaching her from behind as she pulled her pants up and spread kisses on her neck that made her sigh- we don’t want them to mislead them into believing that we are sleeping together -he finished the sentence in between kisses.

She laughed but something in his words sank in her, she didn’t know why. She left the bedroom for the replicator. He sat on the bed to finish getting dressed and hear her voice call “coffee, black. Two cups” and he thought he could get used to hear that on the mornings. She stood on the doorway, holding both cups of coffee and looking at him as he finished getting dressed. She allowed herself to imagine, for the first time in his presence, what it would be like to have him like this without having to hide. She was daydreaming and he could see it, daydreaming of him. If she could only allow herself to be open, if only… He took one of the cups of coffee and brought her back to reality.

\- Oh…

\- Sorry I startled you -he said with a melting smile as she blushed knowing he had realized she was thinking of him.

A sudden thought crossed her mind and clouded her eyes. She had to face Tuvok, explain what was going on, after all he was her friend and she knew he had figured it all out. The other part of her, claimed that if he already knew, there was no point in clarifying. The struggle showed in her eyes for she didn’t know what she should tell him but she felt in no condition to discuss the matter with Chakotay. As her thoughts twirled in her head, she had wandered to the window, suddenly she noticed Chakotay was standing behind her, staring at her. She turned around with a big, forced smile.

\- Ready to go? -she asked as she moved towards him leaning to one side to leave her cup on the table.

\- Kathryn… -Chakotay started and she stopped walking right next to him- what is it? -he asked turning to face him.

\- What is it? -she repeated as if she hadn’t understood the question- I don’t know, what is it? -she threw back at him playing confused even when she knew perfectly.

\- Something is bothering you, I can tell -he said in an indulgent tone giving her a tender smile that showed his dimples.

\- We are getting late, commander -she said laughing and tried to walk pass him but he stopped her with his arm, placing his hand on her waist just like he had done when all of this had started. That hand of his… She raised her eyes to meet his with a half-smile that wanted to be naughty but she was starting to feel angry. She really needed to get out of there, think of what she was going to tell Tuvok, so she had to narrow her eyes not so much to fix them on him but to fix her own ideas in her head.

\- Kathryn, tell me what is it. Tell me what’s wrong

He had leaned towards her and had placed his hands on her waist bringing her hips towards him. She looked at the side escaping his eyes but he followed hers, finally cupping her face and moving it to face his.

\- Kathryn… -he insisted.

\- We are late -she tried to make her way out of his arms.

\- So what if we are. I am not letting you go until you tell me what’s going on -he protested.

\- Oh… right… -she said as if she had uncovered some nasty truth- because now you are in command of me, is that it?

\- What? -he opened his eyes wide- what are you talking about? -he moved his hands up to her arms but didn’t let go of her- Kathryn…

\- Don’t, Chakotay. I am still captain and I have decisions to make that do not involve you, that I choose not to share with you -every word hurting her more than him, every hint of anger telling him that she was scared.

\- I don’t ask you to -he murmured closing on to her face.

\- Then let go of me -her face as tense as her tone, her eyes betraying her true feelings.

\- No -he said firmly and calm- not until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try to tell me that it’s about the ship, that you have captain’s responsibilities to take care of. I know it’s not that. You are defensive, Kathryn. What…

\- It’s none of your business, commander -she almost shouted

\- Commander?

\- Well, that’s what you are -she muttered slowly, provocative in her hard expression- aren’t you? My first officer -she stared harshly at him, all her body aching. She had no idea why she had come down so badly on him but she was furious.

He was set aback by the wrath in her tone. He knew he had done nothing and yet, he could not let go. Something became very clear in that very moment, he had never stopped loving her, he needed to be able to do something to ease her fear. Whatever it was that was causing it.

\- I was hoping I.. I was… -he was trying to find the words not to put any pressure on her.

\- More than that? -she finished the sentence in the same harsh tone and then suddenly, he felt her body giving in, she put her hands on his chest and almost sobbed- oh, Chakotay… 

He surrounded her with his strong arms and held her in the warmth of his body, she felt the universe outside of that embrace disappear. He pulled slightly back, just enough to look at him in the eyes as she spoke.

\- I have to explain Tuvok -she closed her eyes slowly and deeply, and took a deep breath before opening them again.

\- So… explain -he just didn’t understand- he is your friend. He may not like me but…

\- It’s not that -she tried to get away from him again and he didn’t let her, again. She sighed with resignation- and tell him… what?

\- Tell him whatever you want to tell him – he volunteered, knowing that the Vulcan would never object her.

\- He has already figured the whole thing out -she looked to the side again.

\- All the better, you have little to explain then.

\- I have to explain why I did it, I have to tell him that… -her pulse accelerated, the truth hitting her fully.

\- That… -he looked into her eyes- that I am irresistible -he joked to relieve the tension- I am sure he knows that by now.

\- Yes, surely -she laughed

\- Kathryn…

\- I can’t just walk and lie to him, tell him it was a one-time thing nor can I tell him nothing and have him thinking this a sordid fling -she had tensed her face expression again.

He felt his stomach shrink, it was now. He felt he was taking advantage but couldn’t lose the chance.

\- So tell him the truth -he had dared, all his body suspended in anticipation. He would find out, finally. 

She turned her face slowly to face his, her mouth slightly open in an inextricable expression.

\- Tell him… what? That I’m in love with you? -she had actually said it. She heard her voice in the air, hardly believing that she was saying it, but she was, she had. All anger suddenly gone.

\- That we love each other -he smiled in a tender tone, feeling his chest wider than ever, the whole universe in it, and her body specially delightful- he is your friend, he won’t oppose to your happiness -now his smile grew wider as he deepened his eyes into hers- and I plan to make you happy.

\- Oh… -she laughed back at him as he moved his hands to cover her back- I bet you do -she kissed him passionately.

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this three part work to Lodessa because I enjoyed her works so much, I dared to write one of my own.


End file.
